deadxpractical

Friday Night Lights

2007-10-27T12:08:45Z

Title: Decisions
Pairing/Characters: Matt/Tim
Rating: pg-13 at most
Warnings: none:

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Characters but I do own the story line and in all events please remember that this is F I C T I O N and that none of it is real. All bands mentioned, TV programmes and possibly Countries or Cities are real and I do not own them, any quotes used are owned by their author but have been labelled accordingly.

Decisions

The temperature was dropping rapidly as night closed in around them. Soon the sky was a blanket of darkness, the whole world seeming to close in on the high school football field, the giant lights keeping the darkness away from them, protecting them from the coldness that came with that empty night. As the temperature dropped, they had to work harder to keep themselves warm, run that bit faster, do a few more jumping jacks and put more weight behind their tackles in order to stop their muscles from freezing up. By the end they were sweating but their damp clothing simply felt cold against their hot skin while steam rose from their bodies. At least they wouldn’t be feeling tonight’s practise in the morning.

The locker room emptied quickly, Landry had some secret date with Tyra while Smash had his crew to attend to. Everyone had somewhere to be whether it be at work or home with family, studying or with a girlfriend. Matt always seemed to pause at the thought of girlfriends especially since he no longer had one. The news wasn’t that public but on some quiet level everyone knew and seemed to refrain from saying anything, perhaps because the poor kid had it tough as it was. Tim on the other hand was different, he never had a girlfriend and yet he was never lacking in someone to fall into bed with, he was in every sense of the word and every way possible, completely different from Matt, he wasn’t a good boy, he was shy and didn’t stutter or shift around nervously in the presence of a woman or a higher authority. He was cool, calm and relaxed, he had something about him the girls liked, it didn’t matter that he couldn’t commit to a relationship if he tried, it didn’t matter that he drank too much and wasn’t headed anywhere after school except maybe to work in a gas station or to an early grave thanks to liver failure.

The last of the team filtered out and soon it was just them two, two completely opposite boys, one with the weight of the whole world on his shoulders and the other completely carefree and uncaring of how people saw his choices in life. The silence fell, cold, thick and heavy, the winter air biting at their flesh as they moved around, packing away their uniform and slowly going to their own private worlds in the showers.

The heat of the water was soothing, Matt’s thoughts weren’t while Tim, well Tim never seemed troubled by anything, it was something that everyone envied even if they didn’t want to. Still a silence sat between them, they never really interacted except on the field and even then words were never exchanged, just looks and signals and that was it, they worked as a team but knew nothing about each other. It didn’t really bother either boy, they came from different walks of life, they really didn’t have anything in common with each other and yet Tim had to admit he always wanted to say something to Matt, perhaps something to console him over his recent break up. The words never came though, Matt never said a word, he seemed fine with their state of relationship, despite being the Quarter Back, he was no star, he wasn’t popular, not like Jason had been. He was Matt, simple, sweet, stuttering Matt who had led them to the state championship last year and should have been doing the same thing except now everyone had Smash down as the true hero in this team.

“So, word on the street is you’re a free agent.” Tim finally spoke up when they were in the locker room once more, changing into their clothes, again dressing so differently, in clothes that spoke of who they were and what they would become. Silence fell once more, as if Tim had been speaking to himself and he even looked over his shoulder to see if Matt was still there or if he had simply slipped out silently as if not to disturb Tim with his departure. “Hey QB, I’m talking to you.”

“Yeah, I heard you.” Matt replied with that lazy drawl, his head down as he pulled on his jeans and did them up. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Hey I’m not asking you to pour your heart out or anything.” Tim shook his head and wandered over, fully clothed but he figured he’d wait for Matt, that was unless a fight started between them. “I just thought that maybe you might want to come over this weekend for a party, everyone’s coming…”

“I don’t know, I’ve got a lot of homework and my Grandma needs taking care of…”

“You have all week to do homework and I thought you had that in home care now? Why don’t you let that nurse take care of your grandma?”

Silence.

Tim sighed and leant against the locker beside him, crossing his arms over his chest and he didn’t realise that his eyes were wandering over the expanse of Matt’s naked torso, taking in that pale skin, the defined muscle structure that Matt had built up over the past year or so, the broad shoulders and triangular shape of his torso that was common in most football players. But despite his height and strength, Matt seemed to shrink himself, making himself seem smaller around everyone else on the team, confidence issues maybe.

“It’s not like I’m asking you to drop out of high school or anything, just come to the party.”

“Look, thanks but no thanks, I’m really not in the mood to go to any parties.” Matt replied and grabbed his t-shirt, a simple white t-shirt with no designs on it, pulling it on.

Tim rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the locker with hardly any effort, one hand going out to grab Matt’s arm and pull him so now they were facing each other. He could feel the boy’s skin prickling with Goosebumps and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was from the cold or from his touch. Secretly he wished it was the latter.

“Just come to the party.” He said in a tone that wasn’t demanding but it was firm that easy going but firm tone that Tim used that always worked no matter who it as on.

Their eyes met for the first time that day, probably that month in fact and Tim could see just how far Matt’s sullenness went. Neither boy said anything before Tim let go of Matt’s arm and walked away, heading home just like everyone else.

Matt was left in the grey silence, the night held back but a few small industrial lights that flickered occasionally. His mind was already full of thoughts, worries and concerns about everything, he had at least one of each for everything in the world even those things that didn’t concern him, things he was still too young to understand. It seemed such an insignificant thing to worry about, this whole party business, he had made up his mind, he wasn’t going and that was final.

Saturday rolled in quickly, Matt hardly saw Taylor, somehow he made a point to avoid him even if Smash and the rest of the team kept asking him if he was coming to the party every time they were around. As always he stumbled over his words, making up some excuse not to go but when Saturday evening rolled in, he found himself sitting outside Tim’s house, chewing on his lip to the point that he nearly ripped it off before he reluctantly got out of the car and headed up to the door, following a couple of girls from the pep rally squad. He was grateful for them going in before him because he never knew whether to knock or go right in. Even though the girls opened the door, Tim was right there to meet them, that drunken glaze in his eyes already and he smiled but the smile wasn’t directed at the girls, it was meant for Matt.

“Hey ladies, glad you could make it, you too QB. I thought you had to look after your grandma tonight.” He spoke up, stepping back to let everyone in, leaning into the door a little too much as he let his eyes skim over Matt, his demeanour, his slightly downcast eyes, the way he shoved his hands into his pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah, erm the nurse said she would take care of my grandma so I figured, since I didn’t have anything to do I would come for a bit.” Matt replied, barely managing to make a clear sentence and he stepped further into the house so Tim could close the door, nearly walking into someone as they came out of the kitchen.

“I knew you would come.” Was all Tim said as he wandered towards the kitchen to get himself another beer. “Come grab a drink.”

The whole team was there minus Landry, he was probably with Tyra doing what ever, they had been secretive and Matt couldn’t help but feel the whole world was shutting him out, turning its back on him. He drank one beer the whole time he was there, wandering from room to room, avoiding the bedrooms just in case he walked in on something he shouldn’t see, saying the odd hello to someone if he knew them by name but he felt so out of touch with everyone there, he didn’t feel like part of the group, he hadn’t felt like part of the team for a while now. Slowly the party began to die down, he considered heading home but he felt bad for leaving Tim to clean up the mess of plastic cups and empty beer cans. No one else seemed that bothered in helping.

“Go home, Saracen.”

“No, I want to help clear up, it’s the least I could do.”

Tim was silent, raising an eyebrow, he was drunk but not so drunk that he couldn’t handle himself. He supposed the free labour would be beneficial, it would save him doing it all in the morning and besides it meant more time with Matt. He watched, eyes slightly narrowed against the light of a few lamps as Matt began collecting empty cups from the floor and throwing pieces of potato chips packets in a black bin liner. He made no effort to help, not right away anyway, he took some private pleasure in standing back, sipping a beer as he watched Matt work, watching the way he made sure to pick up every little bit and put it right to the bottom of the bag before moving on another inch. Finally he pushed himself away from the door, moving slowly into the kitchen to start there, lining up the cans of beer and bottles of what ever else that had yet to be guzzled by himself. The kitchen was easy to deal with, a cheeky trick of his should anyone offer to help and he had it tidied within minutes giving him chance to go out once more and watch Matt in his sullen manner as he collected up rubbish from another party.

“Want a beer?” He finally asked, moving into the lounge, carrying a fresh beer for himself and an unopened can, holding the unopened one out for Matt.

“Nah, I’m fine thanks.” Matt replied, glancing at the beer and then at Tim.

Tim rolled his eyes and smiled a little. “Come on Saracen, you sound worse than an old man, just have a beer and relax.”

Matt was hesitant, he didn’t move for a few moments before he reached up and took the can and opened it, taking a mouthful. He hated the taste of beer and even though he didn’t think he wanted to drink, he found himself taking another a sip shortly after the second one, a rather large sip at that.

“Just leave the rest, I’ll do it in the morning.” Tim assured him once he was sure that Matt wasn’t about to run off. He sank onto the couch, leaning back with a heavy sigh as if he himself had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He felt like it whenever he looked Matt’s way but he couldn’t work out how to possibly change that for him or if Matt even wanted that to change. “So, what happened between you and Julie?”

Matt shrugged, remaining silent as he moved to sit down on the couch, staring at his can of beer intensely as if it would suddenly just jump up and answer all his questions for him at any given moment.

“Something must of happened, you two were going pretty steady.”

“She claimed she needed some space. She kinda has the hots for this other guy that she met while working at the pool over summer…” He shrugged again and his face barely even changed expression even if it was evident in his eyes that the whole thing was tearing him up inside.

“That’s harsh, I’m sorry.” Tim replied after a few moments, taking a sip of his beer. “You never know, she might come back or something better might come along.”

Matt nodded a little but it was clear he didn’t agree with Tim. Julie wasn’t coming back, he was sure of it, she had her eye on someone else and was all set to move on in the world. Meanwhile he was left with a bruised if not broken heart and no idea what to do with himself. Landry kept telling him to move on, there were plenty more fish in the sea and Matt agreed, he should moved on but he couldn’t find it in himself to do so. He was pretty hooked up on Julie.

A silence past between them, Tim’s eyes watching Matt, watching the way he mulled over his thoughts, worked himself up on the inside but never let it out for the world to see. It was a very big fault, or so Tim thought, Matt wasn’t doing himself any favours keeping himself mentally locked up like this, he was making himself seem like a push over and the whole team was taking advantage of that. Even Tim was guilty of it, he was aware of it as well and yet he didn’t feel guilty for it despite the way he knew he felt for Matt. He wasn’t one to regret his actions after all.

“Okay so how about we don’t talk about that, last thing I want is you breaking down on me.” Tim teased and took a sip of his beer. “We’ve got a big game next Friday.”

“Yeah I know and I should probably be preparing for that and not drinking myself stupid.” Matt replied but made no effort to move, in fact he took another mouthful of his beer.

“Well sadly, one and half cans of beer over six hours is not going to get you drunk so I wouldn’t worry.” The taller boy replied with one of his usual smirks and leant back to relax.

Matt shrugged and somehow he found himself not caring if he got drunk or stayed sober, perhaps he needed just one night of stupidity, one night of letting himself go to help reshuffle the cards and put some things into perspective. It had worked for everyone else, a foolish act had always seemed to make thing work out in the end, he wasn’t sure how it worked but it seemed to have worked for Tim and Jason and even Smash, hell he was sure it had worked out for Coach Taylor and Lyla and Landry and Tyra and Julie and god knows who else. Surely it could work out for him. Sure Tim wasn’t the person he wanted to be around when he did something like that but then again he couldn’t say that Tim would care that much for what Matt did, they had gotten drunk together before, plenty of times, Tim was usually the one wasted out of his mind but considered the amount he had drank tonight, Matt figured he wasn’t far off that stage anyway.

“How come you never went for QB?” Matt asked curiously taking another mouthful of his beer and this time he looked at Tim, actually properly looked at him with his sullen eyes and almost gaunt features.

Tim shrugged and was silent for a moment turning his beer can with his fingers idly. “I guess it never interested me, especially since Jason was so obsessed with being Quarterback. I figured it would be my job to back him up, you know? So I took Defence instead.”

Secretly everyone knew that with out Tim where he was the team wouldn’t make it, he was fiery in a subtle, broody way, his passion came out on the field, he worked hard even if he seemed to joke around by getting himself extra push ups. Perhaps there was some secret as to why he did that. He was the silent back bone of the team, the unsung hero and everyone knew it but he didn’t seemed to mind letting others take the credit and Matt didn’t really understand that. Smash had nothing on Tim.

“You know, I just don’t understand you.” Matt murmured and shook his head a little.

Tim smirked at this in amusement and shrugged a little. “There ain’t much to understand.”

It had to be close to five in the morning, the party had finished early for once which Tim didn’t mind, he was secretly growing tired of them, the constant noise of people and music, girls always expecting him to lure them to bed. Sure it had been fun once upon a time but now it didn’t seem all that fun, not when he was secretly finding himself yearning after Matt. Tim was confused by it really, not the whole wanting a guy for the night but wanting Matt. There were so many other better looking guys out there, it was a sad but true fact but perhaps it was because they all matched Tim in physical height and strength and in confidence that he didn’t find himself after them, there was something attractive about Matt’s tragic hero persona, his kicked puppy looks, something that drew Tim to him.

“Want another drink?” He finally asked as he got up to put his empty can in the bin and grab another.

“No, I think I better be going.” Matt murmured realising the time, his grandma would probably freak if he wasn’t there in the morning.

Tim raised an eyebrow watching Matt get up, unfolding himself from the chair, grabbing his hoodie from a pile of left behind coats and jackets on the armchair. He was disappointed Matt was leaving so soon, sure if he drank anymore then he wouldn’t be able to drive home but still, the selfish part of Tim wanted him to stay and it as perhaps because of this part that he turned, grabbing Matt by the arm pulling him close.

“Just stay.” He murmured quietly, studying those dark eyes, searching for something that wasn’t quiet misery or confusion, something he could work with, hope perhaps, a small flicker of happiness somewhere deep down in Matt that had simply been trapped but not snuffed out.

Matt said nothing, he didn’t move, his a small frown creasing his eyebrows and perhaps he was confused, there was no logical explanation as to why Tim would want him around, Tim knew that but he didn’t really care, he was too drunk to actually think of the implications of his actions which was why he didn’t hesitate in leaning in slowly and pressing his lips to Matt’s finally feeling their smoothness, their warm against his own. Matt didn’t react, perhaps he wasn’t quite sure of what was happening or he didn’t care, either way he didn’t react. He just stood there, feeling Tim’s lips against his, the scent of alcohol and aftershave invading his senses, not too strong and in some strange way enticing to the senses. Still he was unsure, should he move, pull away, react in some way or was he better off just standing there and letting Tim kiss him until he was satisfied and pulled away?

Of course for Tim, Matt’s lack of reaction was a good sign and in his drunken haze he pushed Matt against the wall gently, pinning him there with his own body as he tried to deepen the kiss one hand coming up to cup his cheek as his other blindly almost clumsily slid down Mat’s side until he felt the familiar change where the hem of the other boy’s shirt was. His fingers itched to touch Matt’s skin, to feel its warmth under his own skin, the softness but before he could even try it, Matt was pushing back, a soft sound much like a ‘no’ leaving him.

“I gotta go.” Matt mumbled zipping his hoodie up and sliding out from between Tim and the wall quickly. “Sorry.”

Tim sighed and didn’t move for a moment before he turned to follow after Matt. “Matt, wait…”

“Look, it’s okay, really, it’s fine…” Matt stuttered out not knowing what to say.

He didn’t really care if it was fine or not, Matt hadn’t pushed him right away, there had to be a reason for that and it was the curiosity that forced Tim to pull Matt back to him, grabbing his wrist and halting him from leaving before pulling him close a hand resting on the quarterback’s neck and the other still holding his wrist but slowly moved to hold his hand. He sighed, resting his forehead against Matt’s who again made no attempt to move and it seemed odd, Matt had shown no indication that he would accept such advances from a man, perhaps there laid another secret about Matt, one that burdened him constantly. Tim could only hope.

“You didn’t pull away…”

“I did, right before you grabbed me again.”

Tim smiled a little at this and closed his eyes for a moment, his thumb stroking the back of Matt’s neck. “You didn’t pull away immediately though, you let me kiss you.”

Matt was silent and it was obvious that he was trying to find something to say to that but had nothing.

Tim didn’t really know what to say either so he simply tilted his head to let his lips press to Matt’s waiting for him to pull away and prove him wrong but Matt didn’t, he made no attempt to move and of course that got Tim’s curiosity all excited, the taller boy pulling back a little.

“Now usually this is the part where you freak out and tell me you aren’t into guys like that…”

He saw the blush and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Look, I’m not gay…I’m not sure what I am but I’m not gay…” Matt defended immediately.

“Hey I never said I was gay either…” Tim pointed out. “And I’m not but, you can like someone of the same sex and not be gay, I only like you, I don’t like boys…”

“So you’re saying that to you I’m not a boy.”

“No I’m saying you’re Matt Saracen…there’s a difference believe it or not.”

Matt looked at him and again he was worrying his bottom lip like he always did, trying to work out if Tim was just messing around or if he was being serious.

“Look,” Tim pulled back and let Matt go, half expecting the boy to suddenly bolt for the door. “I’m gonna go to bed, now there is two ways this could end. Now you could walk out the door and we’ll never speak of this again, or you could just maybe take a chance and come to my room and see what happens. Your choice either way.”

They stared at each other for a few moments before Tim finally wandered away, heading towards his room. He had no idea what Matt would do, he couldn’t work that guy out if he tried but he knew what he wanted Matt to do, he hoped Matt would do it as well instead of letting another chance slip by him. He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed, waiting to see what would happen, relaxing despite the fact he was filled with anticipation.

Matt felt panic strike him when Tim left and not because he wanted to run but now he had been left to make a decision on his own. Up until now, Tim had practically made all the decisions for him, whether it be subtly or out right and now, he was on his own, free to make a choice, to choose whether or not to follow Tim and see where things might lead or to just leave. Even though he was still trying to decide whether to just go or see what would happen in Tim’s room, Matt’s body moved forwards, towards the bedroom with slow almost hesitant steps until he found himself standing in the door way, his eyes lifting to look at Tim who was sat there so patiently as if he had known all along that Matt would finally come to the bedroom.

A smile graced the taller boy’s lips, and he leant back a bit, surprised that Matt actually come but delighted. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Matt murmured back, not moving.

“Come in.” Tim said after a moment of neither of them moving. “And shut the door.”

deadxpractical @ 2007-10-18T12:25:00

2007-10-18T11:32:03Z

Two

Lunch at mom's still haunted me the next day as I got ready for class. Jeph was still making an attempt to talk to me even though I still wasn't talking to him. His attempts had gone as far as him crawling into bed with me at six in the morning and shaking me away to apologise in four or five different languages (damn you, babel fish!). Anyway after that I was wide-awake and decided to shower, dress and grab my breakfast, a poptart and a cup of coffee. Despite being woken up an hour and half early, I was still running late thanks to Bert locking himself in the bathroom for half an hour. I still couldn't work out why he was using our bathroom but I didn't exactly have time to interrogate him, not if I wanted to get to class not smelling of yesterday's BO and play-doh thanks to one of my cousins trying to squish it into my hair.

In the end I arrived just as the last few people from my class were heading in. As always, some genius in the admin department decided to stick the hardest class of the day right at the beginning when the brainpower of the average student was still at the lowest setting possible. Of course our teacher didn't seem all that bothered, in fact he probably had enough enthusiasm for all of us, which left the class to sit at their computers and continue to work on their projects. Computing was oh so much fun, learning how to use expensive graphics equipment to draw pieces of toast with faces on them then make them 3D and then to really get us creaming our pants, we had to make this piece of mutant toast into an animation that waved and laughed and hopped around...I couldn't resist but making mine look like some sick science experiment gone wrong. Yes I got a small thrill from it.

As always there was about half an hour where our jazzed up teacher would explain to us how to do the next bit, making us write (not type) out notes and even give out handouts. The handouts came with little cartoon men with big noses and glasses that hid their eyes and I often imagined that cartoon guy mocking me for wasting my life in this class so I could end up in a dead end job. Today we got two hand outs and after a five minute ramble about Sonic The Hedgehog, we were asked to turn to the third page of our hand outs and start making notes about how to make our retarded pieces of mutant toast into moving retarded pieces of mutant toast...except my hand out was missing.

Frowning I did the usual search for it, under my folder, under the keyboard, on the floor but the piece of paper was nowhere in sight. Finally deciding to ask the guy next to me if I could use his, I leant over, freezing half way through the process when I watched the guy stuffing a crumpled up piece of paper into his mouth...okay well first he sniffed it then stuffed it into his mouth. Completely horrified by the sight I decided not to ask for his help and quickly sat in my seat, silently traumatized for the rest of my class.

With class over I scurried home, deciding not to hang around on campus, even if I had some studying to do, in case I encountered the paper-eating freak again. I decided to take my chances back at the apartment, Jeph was probably working or asleep and Wil and Bert had probably gone out to see what new hats were on sale at the mall...again, it was something I couldn't understand but was too afraid to ask about. Sure enough I was completely alone and after making myself a sandwich (after convincing myself it wasn't the same as paper) I got to work on my studying, managing to cram in a good two or three hours before noise outside my door distracted me and I reluctantly went to investigate.

Outside in the hallway, Wil was hopping around in front of a window, his pants sliding down a little more each time he jumped, the tassles of his crazy looking ski cap, flapping around. Jeph was on his phone, but wasn't doing that much talking and Bert was nowhere in sight.

"Has Wil had cola again?" I asked when Jeph was off the phone.

"Probably, he was with Bert."

"Where is Bert?"

"Fuck knows." He shrugged. "Nice to see you're talking to me."

"Don't push it, I'm still mad at you."

"Fair enough, I'll think of ways to make it up to you."

It was about then Wil actually calmed down enough to run over, practically throwing himself at me and kissing my cheek. He had definitely had cola but at least if Bert turned up then I wouldn't have to deal with him for much longer. Drunken Wil was totally better than Hyper Wil, at least Drunk Wil could be easily swayed with sexual favours.

"Hey, Quinny!" he giggled and pulled back. "I never got to thank you for Saturday night."

"Don't mention it."

"Awww but you know I love boasting about having sex with you."

Great.

It was about then that Bert turned up carrying a box, looking really impressed with himself. It was the first time ever that I thanked god for making Bert turn up.

"Hey guys come and look at this cool junk I found on the side of the street!"

This certainly got our attention and we all wandered over to take a look in the box in hopes of finding something entertaining like seventies gay porn or a collection of something gruesome that you could only find in some small store in China town.

"Hey this stuff is pretty cool…" Jeph spoke up, pulling a multi coloured vase out of the box and held it up to the light so we could all see the different colours.

"Yeah, why would anyone throw this shit out?" I asked, picking up an old copy of National Geographic.

"I don’t know, I just found it near some removal van." Bert shrugged.

Wil, Jeph and I all looked at Bert in shock, the realisation hitting suddenly. Oh no, someone wasn’t throwing this stuff out; this was someone’s stuff, their personal belongings.

"Erm, Bert I don’t think someone was throwing this stuff out." I spoke up.

"What do you mean?"

"You found it near a removal van."

"Yeah, that’s what I said."

"Did it occur to you that this stuff was next to the removal van because someone is moving?"

"Oh that reminds me!" Wil announced with a grin. "The building manager said someone finally decided to move into 4D."

"What?" Jeph looked a little horrified (he has issues with new people).

"Wait! You mean this stuff belongs to the person moving into 4D?" Bert looked a little more than shocked, actually he looked like he was about to faint from shock. "We have to get rid of this stuff!"

"Take it back to the van!" I suggested.

"Wait someone is moving into 4D?" Jeph tried to cut in.

"Yes!" I replied and rolled my eyes. "Bert, take that stuff back, now!"

"I’m not taking this shit back! What if they see me?"

"Just say you made a mistake!"

"Fuck that! I’m ditching the stuff in the stair well!"

"Erm, guys I think someone’s coming!" Wil announced suddenly, looking towards the stairs.

A chorus of curses left us all and Bert made a mad dash for the fire exit with the box. Thinking quickly, I grabbed the box from him and shoved it into Jeph’s hands, telling him to go hide it in my bedroom until we could think of a way of covering up the crime. At least Jeph knew better than to argue and disappeared just as the new owner of 4D rounded the corner with several boxes in his arms. We all fell silent, Bert, Wil and I standing in a line as if we had just been caught writing dirty messages on the wall.

"Uh, hi…you must be my new neighbours." He spoke up, flashing us a small, slightly unsure smile.

"Erm…yeah, yeah we are." I spoke up and smiled, trying to act cool so we wouldn’t be suspected of anything. "I’m Quinn from 3D and this is Bert and Wil from 2D."

"Ah hey, nice to meet you." The smile went from unsure to polite and welcoming, the man setting the boxes down outside his new door and offered to take my hand. "I’m Jesse."

Wil made a noise and turned to look at him, the skinny runt trying to hide his giggles.

"Sorry, ignore him, he’s had a bit too much cola today." I explained. "We had no idea someone was moving into that apartment."

"Yeah, it’s sort of a last minute kind of thing, only sealed the deal yesterday in fact." Jesse nodded, his blue eyes sparkling and I realised after a second that I was staring. "Erm, you guys haven’t happened to seen a box full of stuff have you? One of my boxes seems to have gone for a walk."

"Ah no, sorry, we don’t see many walking boxes around here." I replied and only realised a second later how lame that probably sounded.

Just then, Jeph came out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him, looking guilty but accomplished.

"Hey Jeph, have you seen a box around here?" I asked.

"Erm…no…" Jeph shook his head, his eyes instantly going to Jesse, silently sizing him up as if to see if this new guy was going to try and steal Jeph’s yard from him. Yes Jeph has territorial issues, he thinks that this floor is his territory and we’re all his bitches.

"Oh well that’s a shame, it has some important stuff in there." Jesse sighed, looking a little disheartened.

"I’m sure it’ll turn up." Bert nodded.

"I guess so."

Silence.

Guilty, awkward silence

"Erm…Jeph, this is Jesse, our new neighbour, come and say hello."

"I’m good thanks, I’m going to go rearrange the furniture or something." He mumbled and quickly disappeared back into the apartment.

Great.

I sighed and rolled my eyes, looking back at Jesse, smiling apologetically. "Sorry about him."

"It’s okay, territorial issues, huh?"

"Yeah, how’d you guess?"

"My brother’s exactly the same."

"Ah…" Wil, Bert and I all said in unison.

"Well I guess we should leave you to it then." I spoke up, shoving my hands into my pockets. "If you need any help with anything feel free to knock on our doors."

"That’s really great, thanks." Jesse smiled and nodded. "It was nice meeting you."

We said our goodbyes and all piled into Jeph and mine’s apartment, shutting the door quickly and even put the latch on (Bert was scared the police would try and bust in because he stole a box of belongings). Instantly I went to find Jeph, finding him in the kitchen with a bottle of beer and the world’s biggest sulk on, Wil giggling away because he thought Jesse was a girl’s name. I guess it was in a way.

"That was a bit rude of you." I spoke up as I grabbed a beer for myself.

"So?"

"So you could have been at least a little polite and said hello to him."

Jeph just shrugged and took a swig of his drink. "Why? You were doing enough talking for the both of us."

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"You were flirting with him."

"I was not!"

"Actually, you were." Bert spoke up from behind me.

"That’s stupid…I was just saying hello to our new neighbour." I defended.

"Flirting."

"You were like a bitch on heat." Jeph added looking far from amused.

I sighed and looked at him, narrowing my eyes a little. "I wasn’t flirting and also you were extremely rude. You always get like this when someone moves onto our floor or whenever I bring one of my study buddies home."

"I do not."

"You do. You did it to Wil and Bert when they moved in next door."

"Yeah but I’m friends with them now."

Well this was true.

"I know, which is why you’re going to make friends with Jesse as well."

"What?" Jeph looked completely offended by this.

"You heard me and if you don’t then we’re not sleeping together ever again."

Five minutes later, Jeph was heading across the hall to say hello to our new neighbour.

deadxpractical @ 2007-09-16T14:30:00

2007-09-16T13:32:27Z

Title: Untitled
Rating: R for future sex scenes
Genre: Humour, Romance, AU
Summary: (Bert McCracken, Jeph Howard, Jesse Lacey, Gerard Way, Wil Francis, Matt Rubano, Quinn Allman and Quinn’s mom) Life on the forth floor of Phoenix garden’s apartment complex has never been that normal, what with drunken confessions, territorial issues, people eating paper and the narrator sleeping with everyone, it’s a wonder how anyone gets any work done.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Characters but I do own the story line and in all events please remember that this is F I C T I O N and that none of it is real. All bands mentioned, TV programmes and possibly Countries or Cities are real and I do not own them, any quotes used are owned by their author but have been labelled accordingly.
Author’s note: Anyone who can help me come up with a name for this thing wil seriously rock my world.

Prologue

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."

"Wil?"

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."

"Wil?"

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."

"Wil!"

This wasn't unusual but still it felt odd to find one of my best friends on the step of our apartment complex with a bottle of hard liquor singing or ranting (and in this case all whilst dressed as a pirate) about something that to be honest made no sense but as always it was me that found them because I am always the last home thanks to studying or the fact I work the late shift at some biker's bar. Tonight it was Wil, I smelt like red wine and damp clothing thanks to some drunken biker with a beer gut the size of Utah trying to hit on me because he thought I was Brad Pitt. I was tired and sore and I just wanted to go to bed but no... Wil was the difficult drunk, albeit the jolly one but he never made getting him into bed easy.

Just great.

"Quinn!" he announced loudly and I'm sure that the old lady in flat 1A just jumped back into life. "Fancy seeing you here!"

Wil lived next door to me with a guy name Bert and I was sure the two of them were dating but I had no hard evidence, every time I tried to bring up the subject Bert would throw me some cold stare and go off to get drunk and high with my flat mate Jeph. Wil was the free spirit, a sweet kid with too many tattoos and a liking for rum, hence the pirate song. I had seen him at parties getting close with some closet case jock or getting ready to pull at the local gay nightclub. Anyway I couldn't work them out but Wil sure as hell was the cutest even if he was really annoying at times.

"Yes, it's me. Why are you out here?"

Wil huffed a little, well it was more like a snort but I'm sure it was meant to be a huff and drank a mouthful of rum. "Bert and I had an argument he said I’m gay because I drink rum!"

I gave the statement a second to sink in, not because it was utterly stupid (which is was) but because Bert is the worst drinker in the world. He drinks and gets high daily and I've already taken him to hospital twice to have his stomach pumped in the last five months, that and he's as bent as a horse shoe.

"I'm not gay, I just like to stick my dick in stuff!"

"Okay too much info!" I announced and leant down to help Wil up, getting a whiff of rum breath and menthol cigarettes. "Lets get you to bed."

For a small guy Wil was heavy, probably because he didn't bother to help me lift him (probably because he didn’t bother to help me lift his lardy back with a crack and then made a poor attempt at walking) and made a poor attempt at walking. I couldn't help but think that this was just bloody typical first week back at college and I was helping some drunken friend to bed.

I knew it was going to end badly.

The problem was we lived on the fourth floor and currently the elevators were out of order thanks to some stupid elevator error like mice eating the wires in the panel or something, anyway I was going to have to carry Wil up four fucking flights of stairs and sadly it wasn't going to be easy. I managed to get the front doors to the complex open with one arm around Wil's waist and my other hand rummaging blindly through my bag and pockets. It wasn't easy, mainly because Wil became as floppy as a rag doll while giggling and admiring the fact he no shoes on before mistaking my desperate attempts to find my keys as a chance to grope me in that way only a drunk person can possibly grope someone.

"Wil, that's my ass!" I yelped when he pinched me, trying to smack his hand away.

"I know I was just checking to see how firm it is!"

A few curses, fumbles and a near collision between the glass and my head, I managed to get the door open and after about ten minutes of dragging, pushing and tripping, I managed to get Wil onto our floor and propped him up against the wall outside his door.

"I wouldn't bother knocking," he slurred, swaying a little before hiccupping. "Bert went out to get laid."

"Crap."

"Is that what we're calling it now? Oh Quinn let's get crapped together, I bet I could crap you up good!"

Well that sure hell was going to put me off sex for life...

"Okay...well aside from the fact you have now put me off sex for life, how exactly am I meant to get you into your apartment?" I asked, resting my hands on my hips and it only occurred to me a few seconds later I probably looked like a true camp or a mother, neither seemed appealing but sadly I sounded more and more like my own mother these days no thanks to my friends.

"Well I do have my keys!" Wil replied, sounding no more sober than when I found him but he was trying hard to sound all smart and cocky but if I wasn't in such a bad mood I would have found it funny.

"Great...get them out then."

Wil just stared at me as if he didn't hear me before this cheeky grin spread across his face and he leant back until he propped up against the wall except for his hips which he jutted out, pale skin seemingly flawless against the black of his shirt and jeans. I knew right then that he was going to make a game out of this and I had to think fast before I found myself wrestling with a drunken Wil who liked to pinch my ass and nipples whenever he could.

"Wil if you get your keys out I'll...erm...I'll show you… what boxers I'm wearing? Yeah that!"

Okay so I was desperate.

One

I was up by seven the next morning despite not going to bed until three the night before. It wasn’t as if I had much choice on the matter though because my mother decided to call and if I didn’t answer the phone then Jeph would begin to flirt with her since he had had a crush on her since we hit puberty and well…I seriously didn’t want my best friend as my step-dad.

“Hello dear!”

“Mom, it’s seven in the morning, why are you calling?”

“Well I’m at WAL-MART and I was just wondering if you wanted me to pick anything up for you and Jeph.”

“No we’re fine, now why have you really called?”

Silence.

“Mom?”

More silence.

“Mom if you don’t answer I’m going to hang up, I have a lot of work to do.”

“No! Don’t hang up! It’s just that well… do I look old to you?”

Oh boy.

“Mom, you look fine, you look like a typical forty-something housewife.”

“A housewife?” She almost wailed and I could see her down the baked goods isle in WAL-MART, mascara streaking down her rosy cheeks and everyone in the store suddenly looking in her direction as my mother had yet another midlife crisis. “A housewife? That’s just great, so I look frumpy and old?”

This wasn’t going well.

It was about then Jeph came back from showering, donned in boxers only, his hair dripping wet and because he had been wearing eyeliner (and probably forgotten to take it off) there were big black marks under his eyes. As much as I hate my best friend talking to my mother (she is the only woman he has ever had the hots for and considering we’ve fucked, I find it creepy) I knew he was about the only person who could probably calm her down and make her feel like a woman. Sighing I looked at him pleadingly as my mother sobbed on the end of the phone, the ice cream and frozen peas slowly melting in her shopping cart while everyone around her avoiding the awkward task of asking if she was okay.

“Jeph, Mom’s having a midlife crisis again.”

“What did you say to her this time?” He asked, giving me that accusing look.

“Me? I didn’t say anything!”

A wail cracked through the handset and I quickly thrust it into Jeph’s awaiting hand, deciding to go take a shower in hopes of it waking me up, there was just no chance of me getting any more sleep now, not when my mother’s horrified voice echoed in my ears still. Stripping down I made sure the door was locked, just in case Jeph or Bert decided to barge in (he likes to use our bathroom when he can’t get Wil out of theirs) and stepped under the hot spray, the heat making my skin sting, yet it was oddly refreshing. My mind had been bogged down with classes, computers and graphic design just aren’t that fun when you’re behind in your studies and have two massive assignments due in within 24 hours of each other. Any hopes of me getting some of it done today was fading fast, especially since I was lacking in sleep and no doubt that our next door neighbours would hear us and come knocking, well Bert would, hopefully Wil had the world’s biggest hang over and wouldn’t be seen for days. Bastard.

I spent a good half an hour under the shower, until the water turned cold and Bert tried for the third time to get into the bathroom to take a leak. Finally getting out, I wrapped the biggest towel I could find around me, Mickey mouse’s face plastered across my ass as I headed out of the bathroom, stepping out of the way of a charging Bert before going to my bedroom to change. Judging by the silence…well lack of talking and the fact that Jeph had Sex Pistols on full whack again, mom was calm and the crisis of another nervous breakdown was adverted. Deeming it safe I went about changing, pulling on whatever clothing was comfortable before Jeph could come in and make me change my choice, apparently I have bad taste in fashion.

“Ugh, not that T-shirt again, it’s so early 90’s.” He announced as he came in, still in his boxers but his hair was dried and styled now.

“I like it.”

“Put one of your plaid shirts on.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Whatever…” Jeph rolled his eyes and as usual went to my closet to find something more suitable for me to wear, him and mom probably would make a good couple if Jeph weren’t gay. “Anyway we’re going over to your mom’s for dinner.”

“What?”

“Well she’s very upset and your comment didn’t help.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You said she looked like a housewife.”

“Well that’s what she is!”

I got that disapproving look that fathers should be giving to their sons and I couldn’t help but wonder if Jeph was practising just in case he scored tonight with my mom. The thought made me narrow my eyes evilly at him.

“You even think about trying to sleep with my mother tonight and you’ll be a dead man.”

“What? Do I look like I’d try such a thing in her darkest hour?” Jeph asked, looking totally innocent but I knew better.

“Dude, what are you doing? Going through my family? First me and now my mom, next you’ll be after my brother and dad!”

“Oh come on, I am not that bad, I can’t help it if I find your mother hot and besides what happens between us is merely a platonic agreement involving us having sex should we ever need to get laid and there is no one else around to do it.”

“Do you think about her while we’re having sex?”

“Erm…”

“Oh my god!” I yelled and pointed at him accusingly, my eyes wide in horror. “You think about my mother when we’re having sex!”

Bert walked in about then, apparently finished with our bathroom and now set to drink all the beer in our fridge. He cost us a bomb.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Jeph thinks about my mom when we have sex!” I announced, flailing my hands a little.

“I do not!” Jeph defended

“Oh dude that is just sick.” Bert tsked and shook his head a little.

“I don’t think about her during sex!”

“You hesitated, therefore you’re lying!”

Jeph groaned and rolled his eyes at me, not that I cared I was still too stunned by the fact that he thought about my mother whilst having with me. Yeah I was going to need therapy for the rest of my life and he was paying for it.

---

Mom was expecting us some time during the afternoon, to feast on a large dinner. It wasn't something I could really understand but Jeph was a vegan except for my mother, then he'd happily eat anything she made for him. When I asked him about this one evening many months ago, he simply replied:

"People think it's hot, they love dating and screwing people with a weird diet, your mom cooks a mean spaghetti and meatball dinner though so how can I resist?"

In my household, Sunday dinner was a full-blown Italian supper with meatballs and chicken and god knows what else and to make matters worse, everyone comes around, mom's friends from the ladies club to the next door neighbours and even my brother and his family. The only person not invited was dad and well that was because they were divorced and dad now lived in California with his new wife. It wasn't something that was allowed to be discussed, my brother and I learnt that quickly. Anyway, every Sunday my mother cooks Italian from start to finish which is odd since we're not Italian

The ride to mom's was silent, I was still annoyed about Jeph thinking about my mother during our bone-jumping sessions and then having the audacity to make me change into something he claimed was the fashion...since when have plaid shirts been the fashion? I looked like a hick. Anyway it didn't matter much now, if I complained to mom she would only agree with Jeph, for some reason Jeph was always right.

"You're not wearing those pink boxers are you?" Jeph suddenly asked as he pulled into the drive, my mom's station wagon half parked in the garage again.

"What pink boxers, I don't own any."

"The ones you wore yesterday."

I groaned and let my head slam back against the headrest. Once upon a time when I didn't know how to use a washing machine, I accidentally washed some whites with some reds and well...you can guess what happened. I ended up with three pairs of pink boxers that I decided never to wear again, until now of course. I had made sure no one had seen them well except for one person and I had hoped Wil had been too drunk to remember at the time.

"How did you find out?"

"Bert told me."

There wasn't much time to argue since the door to the house opened and my mother came out with my youngest nephew on her hip, waving to us with a tea towel. At least she looked like she was in a better mood.

"Quinn! Look at you. Have you been eating? You look so scrawny!"

"He lives off of ramen noodles and milk." Jeph replied before I could say anything.

"Oh Quinn that's terrible, you're having seconds of everything tonight!"

I grumbled and shot Jeph an evil look as I followed mom back into the house, which was already overflowing with family and family friends, several kids running about the place screaming and well being the little bastards that they are. The thing was when I was growing up I was always a chubby kid, Mike, my older brother was the skinny one, could eat a horse and not put on a pound. For years I was miserable, constantly bullied and never being picked during sports. I hated it, so the summer before my last year in high school I decided to do something about it, losing over 34lbs. In the end I was skinnier than Jeph and Mike and they hated it.

They'd do anything to make me fat again.

The bastards.

I managed to get away from the lounge with only a few comments about my weight and cheek pinching before escaping to the kitchen to help my mother with the cooking. I'm no chef but I can chop stuff and mom always had a lot of tomatoes and meat that needed cooking. In my house you couldn't be a vegetarian if you tried, if you did mom would suspect that you were anorexic and forced you to eat until you felt ill. A few minutes away from Jeph was a relief, I wasn't talking to him anyway, not after this morning, and I didn't want him near my mom either. Immediately I was set to work, spending five minutes bickering with my mother over how to cut an onion before I finally managed to shoo her back to her end of the kitchen.

"It's nice to see you are finally dressing yourself properly, those t-shirts were far too big for you and made you look like a refugee half the time." Mom finally spoke up once we had settled into the rhythm of chopping, slicing, stirring and adding.

"Actually Jeph made me change."

"Oh...well he does have a good taste in fashion. You would be wise to take some pointers off of him."

"All Jeph wears is black and occasionally red, how is that fashionable?"

"Well it's not the colour of his clothing, it's the shape, he always buys t-shirts that show off his broad shoulders..."

"Mom!"

“Well it’s true.”

“Mom, seriously would you just stop!”

“Alright, alright…but he is such a charming young man…”

“No! No, he really isn’t!”

“Nonsense, Quinn, he is a lovely young man and I wish you would behave like him sometimes. You just have no manners.”

I sighed and chose to leave it, going back to my chopping and dicing. I didn’t really like arguing with mom but she could be pretty infuriating, thankfully I was only seeing her for a few hours and most of that time I’d be making sure Jeph didn’t go near her. It wouldn’t be hard, apparently I had a pretty evil glare, or so I had been told and Jeph was afraid of that look… there was a good quality to me after all!

“Sweetheart, you’re not wearing those pink boxers again, are you?”

What the fuck!?

“How did you find out about them?”

“Jeph told me when we were talking on the phone.”

That fucking bastard!

deadxpractical @ 2006-11-14T14:06:00

2006-11-14T13:06:44Z

Title: Red Light
Author: deadxpractical
Chapter: Two
Pairing: Quinn Allman/ Jesse Lacey
Rating: NC-17
Genre(s): Death/Violence
Warnings: M/M
Disclaimer: don't know, don't own but this story is copy written

17:59 pm

It had been three weeks since Jeph had been killed.

Jesse spoke of it as if Quinn had played no part in it, as if he was just an innocent bystander like everyone else. The TV wasn’t allowed on, just in case the event was still being showed on the local news station. That left very little to be done, not that Quinn minded, he spent most of his time sat by the bedroom window, watching the world outside slowly change around him, as if he no longer existed except for in his head. Of course Jesse tried to coax him out of his dumb silence, tried to get him to eat and drink but he was having none of it. He wanted to taste nothing, feeling nothing but the comfort of numbness.

Each day the lawyer was over, talking with Jesse. Everyone had abandoned Quinn now, except for Jesse. Bert and Branden hadn’t been around or called since that night, not that he minded, he could imagine them talking to reporters, telling them how they never suspected a thing, that Quinn was a charming guy to be around and that it was a total shock. None the less they hated Quinn now and if they didn’t, they were confused and scared of him, which wasn’t what he wanted but if it kept them away from him then he’d let them be that way from now on. Of course Quinn had no part in talking to the lawyer, he was not allowed his say. When the lawyer turned up, Jesse would close the door to the bedroom so Quinn couldn’t hear what was being said. He didn’t need to hear anything though because he already knew that Jesse was pushing for the insanity plea and his lawyer was doing everything in his power to make Quinn look like he wasn’t capable of handling himself anymore.

The police were around nearly as much as the lawyer, firstly to get statements to back up the statements they already had and then finally just to ensure Quinn hadn’t tried to escape during the night or something. Each day they found him where they had last seen him, on the couch by the window, watching the world slowly fall apart. Into the second week a criminal psychiatrist was sent by the courts to determine if Quinn really was as crazy as the defence lawyer was trying to make out. Jeph’s parents were pushing for Murder in the first degree, which brought some hope for Quinn, that his actions would be fully punished. Of course their lawyer was not as good as his own, every argument she came up with was quickly shot down and with every day that passed Quinn’s hope was slowly crushed.

It was a Wednesday evening; the sun hadn’t even set but cast a brilliant red over the land. The air smelt of freshly cut grass and somewhere down below, Quinn could hear the screaming and laughing of children playing in a small field. A few cars passed on the road; mainly towards the other houses seeming as it was the end of another long day. It seemed amazing that none of the people below knew of the murderer watching them day after day simply because he could not function anymore.

The door had been closed for a few hours now; what ever the lawyer who Quinn had taken to calling “Rupert” (even if that wasn’t his real name) and Jesse had to talk about was clearly important. Not that he minded, they weren’t disturbing him. It wasn’t long though before he heard the front door shut and saw Rupert heading towards his expensive car that was painted silver like most business cars were. He watched the man in the grey suit get into his grey car and drive off. It had become routine now, to count to ten after the lawyer had driven off and then listen to the bedroom door open. As if on cue the door opened and he heard Jesse enter, so light in step and yet he walked with utter confidence. He felt the hand on his shoulder, smoothing over the plaid material before a soft kiss was pressed to his cheek, a kiss that he knew Jesse wanted to see returned but the mere thought of touching another human being disgusted Quinn right now.

“I got some bad news baby…” Jesse murmured softly, stroking his fingers over Quinn’s pale cheek softly, his eyes watching the blonde’s face carefully. “Jeph’s lawyer has found a way of arguing against of our case. If she wins, you’ll be charged with murder.”

The dwindling hope, that had been nothing more than a grey smudge, suddenly burst into life, burning strong like a forest fire inside of Quinn and his eyes shifted away from the window slowly to look directly at Jesse. He felt himself smile, it was weak and lifeless but he felt it on his dried lips.

“Good.” He whispered.

He watched the horror unfold on Jesse’s face, the mixture of confusion and anger. It must be a shock to hear you were the only one fighting for the cause but frankly Quinn didn’t care, he was tired of this torture, he wanted to go now, he wanted to plea guilty and face his sentence, whether it be life or death and what ever came with it.

“You don’t mean that.” Jesse shook his head and looked at Quinn as if he was speaking to a child. “The lawyer thinks he can find a way of arguing against it, we still have a good chance of winning, which is great news.”

Quinn shook his head as he listened to Jesse. “No.” He murmured quietly before he stood, moving on his own accord for the first time in weeks.

He could feel Jesse’s shocked gaze upon him. He knew what Jesse was doing was out of love but it was the wrong choice, Quinn knew he had to be punished for what he had done and he could no longer stand back and watch his lawyer and Jesse plan a way of freeing him from the torture he deserved.

“Tomorrow when the lawyer comes, I will tell himself that I no longer wish to plea insanity. I want to take the full charges and I will do everything to ensure that I am punished for what I did.”

“But he drove you to it!” Jesse yelled and he was in front of Quinn suddenly, looking at him pleadingly, grabbing Quinn by the hips so he couldn’t walk away from him, trying to pull him into a hug so that he might hold him tightly. “I won’t let you do it!”

Quinn closed his eyes trying to mend the cracks in his resolve, feeling Jesse pulling him close, the man’s familiar scent filling his senses, his strong arms around him in an iron grip and he wanted to scream to the whole world that he was a murderer, that he deserved to be killed. Even those lovely little kisses on his neck, the ones planted by warm, soft lips did nothing to convince him, they simply weakened him, made him feel something besides guilt and he found himself wishing they didn’t stop.

His wish was granted of course. It was the first time they had been this way since that night Jepha walked in on them, Jesse’s lips on Quinn’s neck, coaxing him, making him so weak in the knees that he could think about nothing except the man slowly laying him back against the bed. Of course deep down he wanted it all to stop, to make Jesse listen to him but he couldn’t do it, all he could do was kiss him back and undress him as Jesse undressed Quinn, both of them on the bed now. It didn’t take long for those soft and gentle kisses to become more needing and heated, lips reddened and bodies shivering as hands wandered over skin and blindly explored each other for the first time. This time there would be no interruptions, it was just them.

When the silence fell again, the room darker as the sun disappeared behind the hills and the only light came from the small bedside lamp, they lay tangled together on the bed as if this was what god had made them to do. Neither spoke, both trying to catch their breath, pale chests heaving as the lungs dragged in air greedily. That warm calm silence was welcome and yet not all at the same time, as if it being there settled the dust between them but left the unvoiced question of whether the argument was now over.

Finally one of them had to break the silence to end the unfinished argument, Jesse being the one with his calm and yet breathless voice.

“Alright…We’ll do it your way from now on.”

It was the second best bit of news that Quinn had heard all day and he sighed in relief, closing his eyes and thanking god for giving him what he deserved finally. “Thank you.”

After that, they just lay there for a bit before Jesse decided to go make dinner. Quinn wasn’t overly hungry, even if he hadn’t eaten in days but he’d eat for the sake of it. He’d dropped nearly eight pounds within the first few days of the whole thing. He lay on the bed on his own for some time, perhaps just savouring his last bits of freedom before he knew they would be snatched away. Finally though, he pushed himself from the comfort of the bed and dressed again, like Jesse had, following the smell of food to the kitchen where Jesse was serving up spaghetti bolognaise for them both. It was vegetarian of course.

As if by routine they say down opposite each other at the kitchen table to eat, not saying a word because really, what can one say in a situation like this? He had to admit the silence was more pleasant anyway, sort of calming. The food was good as well, even if he picked at it like a child and after a while Jesse had to say something, which in a way seemed amusing and surprising but Quinn figured Jesse was right, he had to eat. At first he struggled to put his effort into it, before finally having a few mouthfuls of the food. Yes, it was nice; Jesse had always been an amazing cook though where as Quinn had lived off store bought meals or salads.

But this dish was extra special, in Jesse’s eyes it was anyway, Quinn would never understand not that he would have much time to understand it. The blonde only managed half the plate before the dizzy spells began to kick in, the room spinning and blurring before it shifted back into place painfully. It didn’t help his stomach much, feeling it turn violently and he thought he was going to be sick.

“Quinn? Are you alright?” Jesse asked, watching the blonde deteriorate within seconds after eating his meal.

At first Quinn wanted to assure Jesse, that everything was fine, which it wasn’t and he knew that because, the dizzier he became the harder it was to breathe and stay remotely conscious. Even talking was a struggle, no words wanted to leave his mouth and at first he panicked, realising now that something wasn’t right, and yet he couldn’t figure out what was going on.

“Help…” He gasped, arms tightening around his stomach and he groaned softly.

He felt Jesse’s arms around him some seconds later and if Jesse was talking to him, he couldn’t really hear it over the roar of his blood rushing through his veins. He could barely stand but Jesse made him, helping him upstairs, towards the bedroom which wasn’t where Quinn wanted to go, he wanted to go to hospital, he wanted a doctor to come and tell him what was wrong and what they were going to do to fix it but it couldn’t get his mouth to work, he couldn’t get the words out and all the while Jesse moved him to the bed and laid him down as if he could go to sleep. What would sleep do though? What if he didn’t wake up and how could he sleep anyway when he felt so ill?

His eyes were open even though everything was pretty blurred even Jesse’s face as he lay next to Quinn a soft smile upon his lips.

“I can’t let them take you away from me…” Jesse whispered, stroking Quinn’s hair gently. “I can’t let you do this to yourself…it’ll be over soon, I’ve added enough of the stuff I think…I would have added more but it would have killed you instantly and I didn’t want that.”

Wait a second, Jesse was killing him?

Quinn tried to say something, ask why, to voice the confusion and panic now running through him but his mouth wouldn’t work still and Jesse seemed to know this and yet seemed to know exactly what Quinn was trying to say. He pressed his fingers to Quinn’s lips who was now breathing so erratically that it seemed impossible that air was actually getting to his lungs. It didn’t matter much now anyway, well to Jesse it didn’t to Quinn it meant everything, he was dying, he didn’t want to die, not like this way, this wasn’t justice this was something else this was Jesse trying to prevent what was only right…

“I used a mixture of medication for depression.” Jesse explained softly. “I watched this episode of CSI where someone mixed up two types of medication and they react badly. It’s because they were made of two different things. So I figured if I gave you enough, it’d kill you, kill us both in fact and I know it’s painful, but it’ll stop soon, you’ll fall asleep and then it’ll all be over.”

And Quinn could feel the tug as it was, but he fought to stay conscious, to not let this happen, if he could just resist then maybe there was a chance and he wanted that chance. He looked at Jesse’s blurred face and yet could still see the beauty there, those loving and caring eyes and those soft pink lips that belonged against his.

“I’m so sorry…” Jesse whispered and Quinn felt their lips connect in a soft kiss for a moment. “I love you.”

He wasn’t sure if he was crying, he probably was, he was about to die after all and he hadn’t the strength to walk or fight Jesse off and try to get help, Jesse had made sure of it, he had made sure that they would die and he couldn’t help but wonder in those last few minutes if Jesse had been planning this all along or if he had just come up with it when Quinn announced that he wouldn’t take the plea of insanity.

“Just rest, it’ll all be over soon…” Jesse murmured and his arms slid around Quinn’s now skinny frame, holding him close like any lover would do, kissing the soft pale skin that was glimmering with a faint sheen of sweat. “I promise I’ll be there with you soon…”

And he wanted to resist but sleep did down good and his limbs felt so heavy and his head felt light and he was starting to realise there wasn’t any escape, that he just had to go with it which he did, his confused and dazed brown eyes closing slowly to block out the light and the sounds and straight away he felt himself falling further and further through the darkness, knowing that yes he was dying, that this was it, that in a way karma had played out and that he deserved this, that he had killed Jeph and now it was his turn and there was no point in fighting it anymore.

He couldn’t feel Jesse anymore.

He could feel his body or the pain he was going through, there was nothing, just comforting numbness and silence and strangely, the last thing he thought about was that this was the happiest he had been

Ever.

fin